The Word I’m Cutting from My Vocabulary

There’s a word that sneaks into our conversations every day.

It pretends to be helpful. Motivating, even.

But in reality, it quietly drains our energy, chips away at our personal confidence, and leaves us feeling perpetually behind and not good enough.

That word? “Should.”

Let’s talk about why I’m actively trying to cut it out of my vocabulary—and why you might want to, too.

The Hidden Weight of “Should”

This all started after I watched a conversation between Ali Abdaal and executive coach Joe Hudson on YouTube:
🎥 Here’s How to Get to the Top 1% (Discipline Isn’t Enough)

Joe made a simple suggestion: eliminate the word “should.”

Turns out, “should” is often just internalized pressure. It’s usually something we’ve absorbed—not something we’ve chosen.

How often do you say:

“I should eat healthier.”
“I should work out more.”
“I should go to bed earlier.”

For me, it’s constant. And it’s usually when I’m feeling lazy or avoiding something.

When “Should” Becomes a Shield

Back when I worked in customer service, a customer would ask:
“Will this product fix the issue?”

And I’d say: “It should…”

Translation? “If it doesn’t, not my fault.”

My supervisor (who’s also a friend) eventually said:

“Stop using that word. Be confident. Say: ‘Yes, this will work.’”

That moment stuck with me. “Should” had become a shield—one that let me avoid responsibility.

Behind Every “Should” Is a “Want”

Joe Hudson made another powerful point:

“Behind every ‘should’ is actually a want in disguise.”

When Ali Abdaal said, “I should play with my kids more,” Joe challenged him.

Turns out, Ali wants to be a great dad. He enjoys time with his kids. So it’s not a “should”—it’s a want.

That shift—from guilt to clarity—makes a huge difference.

A Real-Life Example: My Basement Remodel

We’re currently remodeling our basement—adding a bedroom, flooring, and more.

I’ve caught myself thinking:

“I should be working on the basement…”

And when I frame it like that, I avoid it. I feel drained.
But when I reframe it:

“I want to finish the basement so we can host guests—or even rent it out…”

Now it’s energizing. Vision replaces guilt.

Why Language Matters

Language shapes how we think.

“Should” comes from fear, shame, and pressure.
“Want” comes from choice and alignment.

📖 Here’s a Psychology Today article that explores this idea more deeply.

How to Stop Saying “Should”

Try this:

1. Notice it.
Catch yourself when “should” shows up.

2. Question it.
Ask: “What do I actually want here?”

3. Reframe it.
Replace “should” with “want” or “choose.”

4. Stay honest.
If you don’t want to do something, own it. Then ask why.

5. Replace guilt with intention.
Act from clarity, not pressure.

Final Thoughts

Getting rid of “should” isn’t about tricking yourself into liking chores.

It’s about reclaiming your voice.

Since dropping it from my vocabulary, I feel more motivated, more present—and more in control of my own life.

If you’ve been weighed down by guilt or stuck in “not doing enough,” I hope this gives you a new way forward.

You don’t have to live under the tyranny of “should.”
You can live from a place of want—from joy, from vision, from purpose.

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